HEY PEEPS!!! BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE I DROPPED A NEW ENTRY(BEEN ENJOYING THIS BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER). SO, I GUESS I'LL TRY TO GIVE YOU A BRIEF UPDATE ON WHATS BEEN GOING ON WITH ME.
WELL, ME AN THE EX HAVE RECONCILED. WE'RE NOT BACK TOGETHER, BUT WE HAVE AGREED TO REMAIN FRIENDS. HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN PRETTY GOOD AT LISTENING TO MY ISSUES AS OF LATE. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE GUY I WAS SEEING SIMPLY FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. WENT OUT OF TOWN FOR A BUSINESS TRIP A FEW WEEKS AGO....STOPPED RETURNING MY CALLS & TEXTS.
WELL, I DIDN'T LET THAT SPOIL MY CHEERFUL SPRING SPIRIT, SO I WENT OUT ON A LIMB A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND DID SOMETHING TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR MYSELF. I HIT UP AN OLE ACQUAINTANCE THAT I SAW ONLINE AND ASKED THEM OUT ON A LIL DAYTIME EXCURSION(CALL IT A DATE IF YOU WANT TO...WHATEVER) SO, WE WENT OUT, AND HIT IT OFF INSTANTLY(UNLIKE OUR FIRST ENCOUNTER). WE GENUINELY HAD A GOOD TIME. SO MUCH SO, THAT WE FOUND OURSELVES TOGETHER AGAIN, THE NEXT DAY, AND SEEING EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, AS WELL AS THIS PAST WEEKEND. THE VIBE HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THERE BETWEEN US.
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN....OUT THE BLUE, HERE COMES THE OTHER BROTHER. WITH HIS LIST OF EXCUSES FOR WHY I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM......BLAH!!!! HIS PHONE WAS OFF, HE WAS EXTREMELY BUSY, ETC....BLAH!!!
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SUBJECT OF MY ENTRY: WHY DO WE DESIRE COMPANIONSHIP, THEN WHEN THINGS GET GOOD WE TEND TO DISTANCE OURSELVES?
OK, YES, I'M SURE IT'S MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT SIMPLE STATEMENT. BUT HOW MANY OF US HAVE FOUND OURSELVES IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS? YOU MAKE A CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE, THINGS ARE GOING GOOD. THEN NO SOONER THAN YOU THINK THE BALL IS ROLLING, EITHER YOU OR THE PERSON FIND SOME REASON TO HIT THE BRAKES AND SLOW THINGS DOWN. OR BETTER YET ONE OF YOU GETS COLD FEET AND DELIBERATELY DISTANCES YOURSELF FROM THE OTHER PERSON. ONLY TO TRY TO DRAW THEM BACK AT A LATER TIME WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU OR THEM?
OK, NOW I'M GETTING A LIL DEEP WITH IT, I KNOW. YOUR SAYING, "BUT EBLACK, RELATIONSHIPS & DATING SHOULDN'T BE RUSHED." THIS IS TRUE, NO ARGUMENT FROM ME ON THAT POINT. HOWEVER, MANY OF US CLAIM THAT WE ARE DESIROUS OF SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH ANOTHER PERSON. BUT FOR SOME REASON WE CHOOSE NOT TO FOLLOW OUR"GUT INSTINCT" WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, AND WE GO FOR THE SAFE,(OR BETTER YET, THE EASY) WAY OUT BEFORE WE FIND OURSELVES EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, OF COURSE. MANY OF US RECALL THE "LAST" RELATIONSHIP WE HAD. OR WE TEND TO DWELL ON THE MANY BAD EXPERIENCES OF OUR PAST TO THE POINT WHERE IT BLOCKS US FROM ANY KIND OF FORWARD MOMENTUM IN POSSIBLY FINDING HAPPINESS(WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY)
SIMPLY PUT: WE BRING OUR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE WITH US EVERY FUCKIN WHERE LOVE TAKES US!!!
IT'S NOT TO SAY THAT IS A BAD THING. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GUARDED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS. THAT'S A PART OF LEARNING FROM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES. BUT SO OFTEN THAN NOT, WE GO BEYOND THAT AND ALLOW PAST EXPERIENCES TO BLOCK FUTURE ROMANCES AND POSSIBLE KIN SHIPS WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL THAT HAS COME INTO OUR LIVES. (THERE IS SOMEWHAT OF A SPIRITUAL CONNOTATION TO IT, BUT I'LL TRY NOT TO GET TO DEEP ON THAT)
I MEAN, EVEN WITH THE GUY I TOOK OUT, WE KINDA HAVE AN ON/OFF FRIENDSHIP GOING FOR US RIGHT NOW. SOME DAYS, WERE REALLY CLOSE. BUT EVEN WITH THAT, HE'S COMMUNICATED TO ME THAT SOME DAYS HE'S NOT EVEN FEELING THE "KISSY-KISSY" KINDA STUFF. AND I'M COOL WITH THAT.I'VE HAD TO LEARN THAT EVERYONE DOESN'T AND WON'T APPROACH RELATIONSHIPS,DATING, AND LOVE LIKE I DO. I TEND TO BE A HARD ASS FOR THE MOST PART. BUT WHEN I MEET A PERSON, AND MY INSTINCTS TELL ME THAT THERE "ON THE LEVEL" I HAVE NO PROBLEM OPENING UP TO THEM ON THE TRUE TENANTS OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT. I REALIZE, THAT THIS APPROACH DOESN'T WORK, AND IN SOME CASES ISN'T HEALTHY FOR EVERYONE(SHIT, IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HEALTHY FOR ME) SO, I'VE TRIED TO BE A LIL MORE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT PEOPLE AND THIS "YO-YO" EFFECT THEY HAVE GOING FOR THEM.
BUT I MUST CAUTION AGAINST LETTING THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR DRAG ON. EVENTUALLY, WE ALL WILL HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON THE DIRECTION YOU WANT YOUR COURTSHIP TO GO IN. EITHER IT'S TIME TO CUT THE STRING AND LET EM LOOSE, OR DRAW THEM IN, TUCK THEM AWAY, AND CONTINUE ENJOYING IT FOR YOURSELF.
HMMM, THINK I'LL CALL THE EX AND SEE WHAT HIM AND HIS HUBBY ARE DOING.
I'M OUT
EBLACK
