NEW WORKOUT PLAN:365 DAYS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!

WE MADE IT, DIDN'T WE....(BIG SMILE)

Aight, now that we've gotten all the pleasantries out of the way, let's get down to business.

So, new year, new ideas. And like many of you, ya boy E-Black is getting back on the health kick.

Most of last year i mainly focused on a lot of cardiovascular work,(a heck of a lot of running, and jogging). But after consulting with a few friends, I've decided this year to do some focusing on muscular work. You know i don't have to give you the Easter speech on how importing staying in shape is.

We all know the importance of physical health. But we also have to realize that we are not simply physical beings.

*NO SHIT SHERLOCK...WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY E? *

Aight, what I'm getting at is that just as we workout of bodies, our minds and consciousnesses need a workout as well.

OK, this is where i may lose some of you. Then again, I may be right on point with what I'm saying. Just following for a sec.

So, if were in agreement that we are not just mere physical beings, than we can agree that our minds, hearts all comprise what i like to refer to as the spiritual part of man. This spiritual part requires a workout just as our bodies do.

Now, i have to let you know up front, my personal beliefs on spirituality is not what I'm trying to convey to you or upon you. Personally, I was raised in one of those ole school, southern, black baptist churches where the preacher always ends his sermon with killing Jesus and raising him from the grave on the third day. *AMEN* But as I've grown older,wiser, experienced more of what this world has to offer...I've come to have a respect and appreciation for all types of spiritual ideals. Regardless of your personal beliefs, I think many of us can agree that our souls/spirits are in fact connected to some sort of higher power than merely ourselves. And if you are one who doesn't believe in these things, then I'm mature enough to accept our differences and simply agree to disagree with you.

But for those who do believe, the point I'm trying to make is that the spirit requires a workout as well. The best exercise for the spirit is by way of prayer.

*OH BOY, HERE YOU GO WITH THAT PRAYER STUFF*

Just follow me for a sec, aight...

I'm not talking about prayer in the traditional sense. I can still recall those ole school deacons at my church during devotion. The way they growled and moaned during there devotional prayers was always a bit awkward to me.

But what I'm referring to is your communication with your higher power.

What is prayer? In my opinion, prayer is simply your conversation with God. I'm not concerned with the manner in which you do it. Personally, i like to talk to God while I'm driving,(specially on road trips).

But the point I'm trying to make is that we have to get ourselves spiritually in tune with our inner selves.

Much of this post is being hastily written, so forgive me for that. But the point I'm trying to make is very clear.

This year, as many of your work on getting physically in shape don't forget to workout your spiritual side as well.

till later,

E-Black

REFLECTIONS OF 2009: THE MIRROR TELLS NO LIES

WSUP GANG,

WELL FRIENDS, HERE WE ARE...AT THE END OF ANOTHER YEAR. AND LIKE MANY OF YOU, I'M TAKING THE TIME TO REFLECT BACK ON EVERYTHING THAT HAS TRANSPIRED OVER THE COURSE OF 2009.

2009 IS A YEAR THAT I LOOK BACK ON WITH BOTH A SENSE OF VALUE AND DISGUST. THOSE THINGS WHICH TRANSPIRED AS PART OF GOD'S PLAN, AS WELL AS THE DECISIONS I'VE MADE BY MY OWN FREE WILL AND ACCORD. HOWEVER, GOOD OR BAD THEY ALL COME TOGETHER INTO ONE UNIQUE DESIGN. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE PREMISE OF WHAT'S ON MY MIND TODAY.

YESTERDAY WHILE I WAS SHAVING, I PAUSED FOR A MOMENT AND TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR. AND SUDDENLY I WAS REMINDED OF SOMETHING THAT MY PASTOR ALWAYS SAID: THE MIRROR DOESN'T LIE.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. IN YOUR SPARE TIME, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING AND GET DRESSED, OR GETTING YOURSELF TOGETHER TO GET IN BED. I WANT YOU TO STOP BY THE MIRROR FOR FEW MINUTES. TAKE A GOOD, LONG LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT YOURSELF. CONCENTRATE ON IT FOR A MOMENT. BECAUSE WHAT YOU SEE LOOKING BACK AT YOU IS THE TRUE ESSENCE OF WHO YOU ARE. THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT YOU CAN'T LIE TO.

NOW MIND YOU, WE ALL HAVE SHORTCOMINGS, AND WE ALL HAVE SOME FUCKED UP WAYS AS WELL. AND OVER THE COURSE OF OUR DAILY ROUTINES, WE'VE ALL LEARNED HOW TO MASK THESE THINGS. WE'VE LEARNED HOW TO PUT ON OUR MASK AND WALK THROUGH OUR DAYS UN-BOTHERED. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, ONE GLANCE INTO THAT MIRROR EXPOSES THE EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE MANAGED TO SHADOW AND CONCEAL.

*DAMN E-BLACK, THIS IS SOUNDING LIKE SOME REAL SPOOKY SHIT*

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT JUST GO WITH ME, I'M BRINGING THIS HOME IN A MINUTE.

ON THE REVERSE SIDE OF THAT, WHEN YOU LOOK IN THAT MIRROR...YOU SEE ALL THOSE POSITIVE QUALITIES THAT LYE WITHIN YOU. THOSE TRAITS & ATTRIBUTES; IDEAS & THOUGHTS THAT WHEN ACTED UPON AND ALLOWED TO COME TO THE SURFACE COULD TAKE YOU TO HEIGHTS YOU'VE NEVER ACHIEVED, AND OPEN DOORS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE STRONG ENOUGH TO ENTER.

BUT HERE'S THE CATCH, NO ONE CAN BRING THESE THINGS TO FRUITION EXCEPT THAT PERSON YOU SEE IN THE MIRROR. YES, PEOPLE WILL COME ALONG IN YOUR LIFE AND LEND A HELPING HAND FROM TIME TO TIME. AND YES, GOD'S PLAN FOR US ALL WILL ALWAYS TAKE PRECEDENT REGARDLESS WHETHER WE WANT IT TO OR NOT. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHEN IT ALL BOILS DOWN, YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY SO IN ALL THAT HAPPENS WITH SELF. ALL OF THOSE SHORTCOMINGS, AND NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT YOU, ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THEM FOR THE BETTER. AND THOSE POSITIVE QUALITIES THAT YOU POSSES, ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER AND THE KNOW HOW TO PUT THEM TO GOOD USE FOR YOUR OWN BETTERMENT.

SO, I WIPED ALL THE SHAVING CREAM OFF MY FACE, LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND I SAID, "SELF, WE'VE MADE IT THROUGH 2009...WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT 2010?" AND SELF LOOKED BACK AT ME AND REPLIED,"DID YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT THAT WE WOULD HAVE MADE IT? LOOK AT THE MAN THAT WE ARE. AND AS FAR AS 2010 IS CONCERNED, WERE GONNA TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME, LOOK TO GOD ABOVE FROM WHICH COMETH OUR HELP, AND WALK INTO THE NEXT CHAPTER OF OUR LIFE."

MY FRIENDS, THIS WORLD IS LIKE A CHECKER BOARD. A STRANGE BALANCE OF BOTH GOOD AND EVIL, POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE, HAPPY AND SAD, HOWEVER YOU WANT TO PUT IT. AND RIGHTFULLY SO, WE TOO MUST LEARN HOW TO STRIKE THAT BALANCE IN OUR EXISTENCE. HOW TO TREAD THIS MOSAIC PAVEMENT OF OUR LIVES AND YET, NOT STUMBLE.

IT WON'T BE EASY. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT. BUT IT IS ACHIEVABLE.

WELL, LIKE MANY OF YOU I TOO AM LOOKING FORWARD TO 2010 AND ALL THAT IT HAS TO OFFER US.

BUT OCCASIONALLY, AS YOU GO THROUGH THE YEAR, REMEMBER TO STOP AND TAKE THAT GOOD, HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SELF ALONG THE WAY. BECAUSE DESPITE WHATEVER YOU MAY ACHIEVE,EXPERIENCE, OR CONCEAL....THE MIRROR TELLS NO LIE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS,

HAVE FUN, AND BE SAFE.

YOUR FRIEND,

ENIGMABLK

Updates, The Importance of Friends, & The Meaning of a Season

HEY GANG.....I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL.

BUT SERIOUSLY, HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING!

I'M TRYING TO FIND MY FESTIVE SIDE. YOU KNOW,GETTING AMPED UP FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON, SO I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO GET BACK TO WRITING AND UPDATE YOU ON SOME THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HAPPENING WITH ME AND SOME OF MY THOUGHTS.

WELL, WE HAVE JUST MARKED THE START OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITH THE PASSING OF THANKSGIVING, SADLY I HAVE TO REPORT THAT I'VE JUST GONE THROUGH A BREAKUP. ....BLAH!!!

HOWEVER, FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER I'M OK WITH IT THIS TIME. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I MADE THE BEST EFFORT POSSIBLE TO MAKE IT WORK. OR MAYBE I'M JUST A LIL WISER NOW, AND CAN TELL WHEN IT'S TIME TO THROW IN THE TOWEL.

NOT TO PUT BLAME ON ANYONE FOR THE BREAKUP,(THERE IS ENOUGH TO GO AROUND ON BOTH SIDES). BUT I'M COMPELLED BY A STRONG SENSE OF REALITY LATELY THAT DOESN'T AFFORD ME THE THE LUXURY OF LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD.

AIGHT....ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. LET'S GET TO WHATS ON MY MIND.

OK, SO LAST NIGHT AFTER THE "OFFICIAL" BREAK-UP I DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF STARING AT THE FOR WALLS OF MY ROOM LOOKING STUPID, I'D GO OUT FOR A BIT AND TRY TO CLEAR MY HEAD. SO I HIT UP THAT SPOT THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS(IN******S), AND RAN INTO MANY OLD FRIENDS WHO WERE IN TOWN FOR THE HOLIDAY.

LET ME TELL YOU, THE LOVE I GOT FROM SO MANY PEOPLE LAST NIGHT WAS SO COMFORTING, IT WAS ALMOST OVERWHELMING. (I HATE MUSHY SH*T..LOL)

BUT IT GOT ME TO THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I HAVE LONG FORGOT IN RECENT MONTHS....THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDS.

AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I COME FROM A SMALL FAMILY,(THREE GENERATIONS OF THE ONLY CHILD...YES, ITS TRUE). AND WITH THE PASSING OF MY MOM IN JUNE, MY LIL PERSONAL FAMILY GOT EVEN SMALLER.

DESPITE THE EMOTION EXHAUSTION OF LOOSING A LOVED ONE SO CLOSE, GOD HAS SEEN FIT TO CONTINUE TO SUSTAIN ME AND MY GRANDMOTHER(THAT'S MY PARTNER IN CRIME YALL...LOL) AND WE'VE ENJOYED DOING MANY THINGS LATELY AS A TEAM.

BUT LAST NIGHT, WHILE I WAS LAUGHING IT UP WITH OLD FRIEND, I WAS REMIND OF HOW MUCH GOD HAS TRULY BLESSED ME IN OTHER WAYS. I'VE BEEN SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF EXTENDED FAMILY THROUGH CLOSE FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES THROUGHOUT MY YOUNG YEARS.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE MEANING OF A SEASON.

NOT NECESSARILY THE HOLIDAY SEASON, PER SAY. BUT WHAT IT MEANS TO GO THROUGH A SEASON IN ITS ESSENCE.

*GET TO THE POINT E-BLACK*

OK, I'M GETTING THERE...LOL.

A SEASON MEANS CHANGE! (DANG, THAT WAS SIMPLE)

OK, TO ELABORATE A LIL MORE...TO GO THROUGH A SEASON MEANS TO EVOLVE. SOMETIMES, SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY, OR EMOTIONALLY.

AND I WAS REMINDED TODAY OF TWO IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT SEASONS...

1. NO SEASON LAST FOREVER & 2. NO SEASON RUNS BACK TO BACK.

*BREAK IT DOWN(E) E-BLACK!!!*

OK, LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TWO FALLS RUNS BACK TO BACK? OR TWO SUMMERS, ETC. OF COURSE NOT, A SEASON IS DESIGNED TO RUN IT'S COURSE, CARRY YOU THROUGH IT'S CHANGES,THEN YIELD TO THE NEXT SEASON AND ALL THAT IT HAS TO OFFER.

I WRITE THIS, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JUST LIKE I'VE BEEN THROUGH MY EMOTIONAL SEASONS THIS YEAR, MANY OF YOU HAVE ENDURED THROUGH YOUR OWN SEASONS. SEASONS OF DISAPPOINTMENT, OR STRUGGLE, OR HURT. BUT ALL SEASON COME TO AND END, AND NEW SEASONS OF LOVE, AND PROSPERITY, AND ENHANCEMENT ARE SOON TO FOLLOW. THESE ARE JOURNEYS IN LIFE THAT WE MUST ALL TAKE. THERE IS NO GETTING AROUND IT.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, THE ALL SEASONS HAVE A PURPOSE, AND AN END.

SO, LOVE, LAUGH, CRY, STRUGGLE, ENDURE, LEARN, GROW, AND EMBRACE ALL THAT YOUR SEASON HAS TO OFFER.

AIGHT, I'M THROUGH WITH MY EASTER SPEECH FOR NOW. TIME TO FINISH PUTTING UP MY XMAS LIGHTS, POUR ME A LIL YAK IN THE EGGNOG, AND ENJOY THE FRIENDS THAT MY SEASONS HAVE BROUGHT ME.

I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY YOURS.

AND I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO KEEP READING.

TILL LATER,

ENIGMABLACK

A NEW HOPE

WSUP PEEPS!!!

WELL, HERE I AM. AFTER EVERYTHING THAT LIFE HAS THROWN AT ME AS OF LATE, AND YET....STILL STANDING.

I GUESS THIS ENTRY ISN'T DESIGNED TO BE ENTERTAINING, AS MANY OF MY PREVIOUS ONES HAVE BEEN. BUT MORE OR LESS AN UPDATE ON WHERE I AM IN LIFE.

OF COURSE THINGS HAVE BEEN A LIL DIFFICULT SINCE MOM PAST, BUT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON I FEEL A SENSE OF CHANGE IN THE AIR. AS IF THIS SEASON OF STRUGGLE THAT I'VE BEEN DESTINED TO GO THRU AS MANY HAVE GONE BEFORE ME IS SOON TO END. AND SOMETIME SOON, A NEW SEASON IS FORTHCOMING. NOT NECESSARILY A NEW SEASON OF PROSPERITY( LIKE THE MEGA-CHURCH PREACHERS LOVE TO YAP ABOUT), BUT MORE LIKE A NEW SEASON OF EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT. (QUIT GETTING PHILOSOPHICAL AND GET TO THE POINT E). MY BAD GUYS.

WELL, RECENTLY I RAN INTO AN OLD FROM MY PAST. SOMEONE I WAS NEVER REALLY TOO CLOSE TO, BUT ALWAYS ADMIRED.(YEAH, I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM, SO WHAT) WE SORT OF HAVE A CHANCE MEETING, AND OLE SPARKS HAVE KINDA REKINDLED BETWEEN US. NOT TO SAY THAT ANYTHING WILL COME OF IT, BUT IT WAS REFRESHING TO SEE HIM. WE CHATTED, CHOPPED IT UP, SPENT SOME TIME WITH EACH OTHER. HE'S EXPRESSED THAT LIKE MY SITUATION, LIFE HASN'T BEEN TOO EASY FOR HIM LATELY AS WELL. I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL HEARD THE OLD EXPRESSION, "MISERY LOVES COMPANY". WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S ANYTHING LIKE THAT. BUT IT DOES FEEL GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO YOU CAN SHARE DIFFICULT MOMENTS WITH, AND BE ENCOURAGING TOWARD EACH OTHER.

WITH ALL THAT SAID, LET ME ASSURE YOU, THAT I'M SURE THERE IS MORE TO COME FOR ME AND MY ADVENTURES WITH THIS BLOG AS WELL AS MY EXPERIENCES HERE IN THE RIVER CITY.

TILL THEN,

ENIGMABLK

A RE-EVALUATION OF PRIORITIES....

Well, i know it's been more than a month since my last entry...but here we are. At it again...ready to jump back into the thick of this lifestyle and its issues.

When i first started this blog, I intended for it to be a mix of light-hearted humor, and opinions on issues that i thought were worthy of discussion about this lifestyle.

Since my last post, I've recently had to deal with the death of a parent(my mother). And like most people I took some time to myself both to grieve and try to make sense of the situation. Death is never an easy subject to discuss or explain. It just simply is what it is at times. I have come to a realization that it is not the act of death itself that invokes emotion, but more or less how we react to the situation.

Me and my mother had a very close relationship. Almost like a friendship(call me a mommas boi, i know). So, it's taken me some time to get use to the fact that she is "physically" gone from my life. However, I think what has effected me the most this past month is not her passing, but simply how much I learned that she touched other people along the way. I was so overwhelmed by how many people came to me and said how much my mother meant to them. People who I didn't know, who wrote cards with kind words, or called and expressed there condolences. It was through all of this that i realized that, though my mother lived a simple life; simply being the person that she was helped to leave an impression among many people through her lifetime.

So, here I am. Not a person of any significant social clout or financial status. I hold no PhD or scholarly awards. But yet, I feel that if my mom could have such a lasting effect on the lives of so many people, than who am I to simply squander my days being concerned about self and not attempting to affect any change on the people i cross paths with throughout my life.

I know much of what I'm saying sounds like I'm ranting,but try to hear me out.

I contribute my mother for teaching me a great deal in life. But i feel that she has taught me the most important lesson possible in her passing.

Simply put: DO ALL YOU CAN, WHILE YOU CAN.

And so, i come to a crossroads in life. A point of self reflection, and re-evaluation. Not that I've squandered time(though i must admit i have been in a bit of a rut before all this), but that I utilize all of the gifts that God has endowed me with to leave my mark on this world.

How best do I do this? Well, I'm not one to go into a whole rant on spirituality and social climates. But, I do hope that the things we talk about in the future of this blog, along with the things i do in my personal life will be of some sort of usefulness. Not of some material nature(I ain't trying to teach you how to live financially sound or nothing like that) and not in some amusing way all the time,( No E.Lynn Harris, may he rest in peace). But hopefully what I write, along with my peculiar view on issues affecting not just those of us in the GBLT lifestyle but people in general will in some way leave an indelible mark on the consciousness of those who read it.

I know that many times I've jumped off into a rant here or there. And more often than not, my thoughts may not come off very straight forward, or simple to read. But then again, if Picasso meant to be the normal, then "Guernica" would be as easy to interpret as a kindergarten drawing. (Do your research on that one...lol)

In the meantime, I look forward to continuing to write, perfecting my style, and expressing my views about this world we live in.

I hope you continue to read.

EnigmaBlk

THE "YO-YO" EFFECT: DRAWING YOU CLOSE, THEN PUSHING YOU AWAY IN RELATIONSHIPS & DATING

HEY PEEPS!!! BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE I DROPPED A NEW ENTRY(BEEN ENJOYING THIS BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER). SO, I GUESS I'LL TRY TO GIVE YOU A BRIEF UPDATE ON WHATS BEEN GOING ON WITH ME.

WELL, ME AN THE EX HAVE RECONCILED. WE'RE NOT BACK TOGETHER, BUT WE HAVE AGREED TO REMAIN FRIENDS. HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN PRETTY GOOD AT LISTENING TO MY ISSUES AS OF LATE. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE GUY I WAS SEEING SIMPLY FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. WENT OUT OF TOWN FOR A BUSINESS TRIP A FEW WEEKS AGO....STOPPED RETURNING MY CALLS & TEXTS.

WELL, I DIDN'T LET THAT SPOIL MY CHEERFUL SPRING SPIRIT, SO I WENT OUT ON A LIMB A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND DID SOMETHING TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR MYSELF. I HIT UP AN OLE ACQUAINTANCE THAT I SAW ONLINE AND ASKED THEM OUT ON A LIL DAYTIME EXCURSION(CALL IT A DATE IF YOU WANT TO...WHATEVER) SO, WE WENT OUT, AND HIT IT OFF INSTANTLY(UNLIKE OUR FIRST ENCOUNTER). WE GENUINELY HAD A GOOD TIME. SO MUCH SO, THAT WE FOUND OURSELVES TOGETHER AGAIN, THE NEXT DAY, AND SEEING EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, AS WELL AS THIS PAST WEEKEND. THE VIBE HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THERE BETWEEN US.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN....OUT THE BLUE, HERE COMES THE OTHER BROTHER. WITH HIS LIST OF EXCUSES FOR WHY I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM......BLAH!!!! HIS PHONE WAS OFF, HE WAS EXTREMELY BUSY, ETC....BLAH!!!

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SUBJECT OF MY ENTRY: WHY DO WE DESIRE COMPANIONSHIP, THEN WHEN THINGS GET GOOD WE TEND TO DISTANCE OURSELVES?

OK, YES, I'M SURE IT'S MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT SIMPLE STATEMENT. BUT HOW MANY OF US HAVE FOUND OURSELVES IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS? YOU MAKE A CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE, THINGS ARE GOING GOOD. THEN NO SOONER THAN YOU THINK THE BALL IS ROLLING, EITHER YOU OR THE PERSON FIND SOME REASON TO HIT THE BRAKES AND SLOW THINGS DOWN. OR BETTER YET ONE OF YOU GETS COLD FEET AND DELIBERATELY DISTANCES YOURSELF FROM THE OTHER PERSON. ONLY TO TRY TO DRAW THEM BACK AT A LATER TIME WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU OR THEM?

OK, NOW I'M GETTING A LIL DEEP WITH IT, I KNOW. YOUR SAYING, "BUT EBLACK, RELATIONSHIPS & DATING SHOULDN'T BE RUSHED." THIS IS TRUE, NO ARGUMENT FROM ME ON THAT POINT. HOWEVER, MANY OF US CLAIM THAT WE ARE DESIROUS OF SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH ANOTHER PERSON. BUT FOR SOME REASON WE CHOOSE NOT TO FOLLOW OUR"GUT INSTINCT" WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, AND WE GO FOR THE SAFE,(OR BETTER YET, THE EASY) WAY OUT BEFORE WE FIND OURSELVES EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, OF COURSE. MANY OF US RECALL THE "LAST" RELATIONSHIP WE HAD. OR WE TEND TO DWELL ON THE MANY BAD EXPERIENCES OF OUR PAST TO THE POINT WHERE IT BLOCKS US FROM ANY KIND OF FORWARD MOMENTUM IN POSSIBLY FINDING HAPPINESS(WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY)

SIMPLY PUT: WE BRING OUR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE WITH US EVERY FUCKIN WHERE LOVE TAKES US!!!

IT'S NOT TO SAY THAT IS A BAD THING. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GUARDED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS. THAT'S A PART OF LEARNING FROM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES. BUT SO OFTEN THAN NOT, WE GO BEYOND THAT AND ALLOW PAST EXPERIENCES TO BLOCK FUTURE ROMANCES AND POSSIBLE KIN SHIPS WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL THAT HAS COME INTO OUR LIVES. (THERE IS SOMEWHAT OF A SPIRITUAL CONNOTATION TO IT, BUT I'LL TRY NOT TO GET TO DEEP ON THAT)

I MEAN, EVEN WITH THE GUY I TOOK OUT, WE KINDA HAVE AN ON/OFF FRIENDSHIP GOING FOR US RIGHT NOW. SOME DAYS, WERE REALLY CLOSE. BUT EVEN WITH THAT, HE'S COMMUNICATED TO ME THAT SOME DAYS HE'S NOT EVEN FEELING THE "KISSY-KISSY" KINDA STUFF. AND I'M COOL WITH THAT.I'VE HAD TO LEARN THAT EVERYONE DOESN'T AND WON'T APPROACH RELATIONSHIPS,DATING, AND LOVE LIKE I DO. I TEND TO BE A HARD ASS FOR THE MOST PART. BUT WHEN I MEET A PERSON, AND MY INSTINCTS TELL ME THAT THERE "ON THE LEVEL" I HAVE NO PROBLEM OPENING UP TO THEM ON THE TRUE TENANTS OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT. I REALIZE, THAT THIS APPROACH DOESN'T WORK, AND IN SOME CASES ISN'T HEALTHY FOR EVERYONE(SHIT, IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HEALTHY FOR ME) SO, I'VE TRIED TO BE A LIL MORE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT PEOPLE AND THIS "YO-YO" EFFECT THEY HAVE GOING FOR THEM.

BUT I MUST CAUTION AGAINST LETTING THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR DRAG ON. EVENTUALLY, WE ALL WILL HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON THE DIRECTION YOU WANT YOUR COURTSHIP TO GO IN. EITHER IT'S TIME TO CUT THE STRING AND LET EM LOOSE, OR DRAW THEM IN, TUCK THEM AWAY, AND CONTINUE ENJOYING IT FOR YOURSELF.

HMMM, THINK I'LL CALL THE EX AND SEE WHAT HIM AND HIS HUBBY ARE DOING.

I'M OUT

EBLACK

LOVE VS. HAPPINESS(CAN THE TWO CO-EXIST?)

Ok, so another week has past, and I've had time to reflect on my own person feelings regarding relationships. I spoke to an old friend online this past week who peeped my blog and helped me come to grips with some things. Basically, he told me that he felt that I was holding back(obviously, i'm not gonna parade all my biz for you all), and that i needed to contemplate on my own feelings regarding love, relationships, and what truly makes me happy.So, after a lively discussion with my friend(that got a lil heated, and then sexually appealing near the end....what can I say, i'm a man.), I took some time to myself to ponder on my thoughts about my own pursuits of happiness.

Here I am, 31 years old, somewhat sucessful,(ain't ballin, but i'm not hurting for anything either), pretty family oriented, somewhat popular in the circles that i run in(though, i've never been one to be snooty, or stand-offish. Just keep to myself most of the time.), and yet when it comes to relationships, I've probably got one of the worst averages for sucess possible. I've dated, and loved women, i've dated, and loved men. However, i've never really found happiness with either of them. I guess that further bosters my theory of the whole bi/dl sterotype(which i hate by the way). Basically, i've never seen gender as a boundry for love. The last two women i dated knew that i liked men, and the last two guys i dated, vice-versa. I've never been tempted to cheat on one with the other. If i'm with you, i'm with you....get it? But when it comes to happiness, it seems like i'm missing something.

Take my last serious relationship for example. Met this guy in late 2007, we talked, exchanged ideas and feelings. Really got a vibe for one another. Started dating, really working well. Then certain circumstances prevented us from being together(the N#igga moved away on me). But because of the love I had developed for him, i went against one of my own rules and tried the "long-distance thang". Yes, i truly, and sincerly loved him, but the situation we were in prevented me from being happy with him.(Can't lie, i needed some love and attention and you can't do that for me 300 miles away) In essence, happiness was absent from the relationship.

By the same tolken, take the guy i've been seeing now. This brother knows how to make a dude feel like a king. Again were have some distance between us, but he definately makes an effort to see me, and i him when possible. When I'm with him, i'm happy. However, there are those moments when I feel like were on totally different pages with regards to things. We definately make each other happy, however the spark of love just hasn't kindled yet.

So, here I am, trying to discover what it takes for the two of these wonder feelings to co-exist with one another. Well, no one said that relationships were meant to be easy. So, we'll just see how things work out. Damn, where is Al Green when you need him?

To be continued...